Go Put Your Pants On

A week or two ago I noticed a rather disturbing trend among men here in the Nation’s Capital, something which I had read about in several publications, but until then I had not noticed on our sidewalks: the trend of wearing a shirt and tie to work…with shorts.

Now let me begin this post with a caveat. As an attorney, I admit that I work in a sartorially buttoned-up profession. I wear a suit most days, and always on days when I have scheduled meetings. On those days when I don’t have to meet anyone in person, I might wear a blazer or sports jacket, but always with a tie, dress shirt, dress shoes, and trousers. It would never occur to me to wear shorts to the office.

I also know that many professions allow for shorts, due to the nature of the work itself. A driver delivering packages, or a waiter serving tables at an outdoor restaurant, no doubt is grateful not to have wear long pants as part of his uniform.  Particularly in this swamp-like city, the ability to wear shorts to work can be a great blessing for those engaged in manual labor in the services and trades.

For those who work in offices however, I find the trend of shorts and ties ridiculous and incomprehensible. It lends an infantile air to someone who ought to know better than to imagine that other adults are going to take them seriously. Because to be frank, if you came into my office wearing shorts and a tie, I would from the get-go think there was something deeply wrong with you, even if I might not say it aloud.

In some ways, this trend is of a piece with the increasingly lackadaisical attitude toward men wearing shorts in cities in general. I am not quite sure when adult males collectively decided that what they wore to the beach was acceptable at the supermarket, as if they were only 11 years old and out shopping with their mommies.  And the overall laxity of standards in this regard is perhaps most irritating when it comes to church.

My Fellow Fisheaters: there is NO excuse for a grown man to wear shorts to Mass. None. If you are old enough to vote, buy cigarettes, and pay taxes, you are too old to wear shorts to Mass. Even then, I would suggest the cut-off date probably lies closer to the age you begin shaving.

I do not care how hot it is. I do not care what you are doing before or after Mass. I do not care that the church has no air conditioning, or that you are on vacation. In fact, the latter is something baffling that I witness at my downtown DC parish all the time, surrounded as it is by hotels. If you’re visiting someone else’s home for the first time for an indoor, sit-down supper – and in this case, the Supper of all suppers – why would you show up dressed for a volleyball tournament? Look at pictures of your grandfather attending Mass fifty years ago, and I guarantee you that there will be not a single one of him inside a church wearing shorts.

How did we get to the point where no one even thinks this is worth criticizing? It occurred largely because people are now deathly afraid to criticize, which of course is part of the reason we have grown a large crop of infantile males who would want to dress like this in the first place, over the last few decades. It is also because we have forgotten the difference between style and fashion.

Style exists in tandem with, but ultimately independently of, fashion. Cuts, colors, and fabrics can change from season to season, as they go in and out of fashion. Yet style changes more slowly, developing as one ages. I could never pull off a leather jacket when I was a fresh-faced kid; now that I’m more weathered, I could never pull off a shirt and tie with shorts – nor would I attempt to. In what I choose to wear, I send a message; if I choose well, the viewer appreciates the clothes, but appreciates me, more.

What’s the message a grown man in shorts and a tie is trying to send as he clomps along in dress shoes without socks – I’ll save that pet peeve for another time – to those who see him on the street? That he may technically be an adult, but he would rather be in Kindergarten? That it’s better in the Bahamas? That he’s a member of a Boyz II Men cover band?

There is certainly a place for shorts in a man’s wardrobe, no one is questioning that. Not everything that is older is better: I would never suggest you play tennis in the summer in white flannels, for example.  Rather, the real point of inquiry is where and when the place for wearing shorts may legitimately be found. The answer will vary based on the activities you perform, and the environment in which you perform them.

However as a general rule, gentlemen, I am going to keep this simple for you. Please do not wear shorts with a tie. Ever. And more to the point, when you’re planning to see your bank manager, your attorney, or most importantly God, please go put your pants on.  

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Remember Your Barber, Gentlemen

Today I was saddened to learn of the passing of Ed Lara, proprietor of Georgetown Hairstyling, which recently celebrated its 100th anniversary.  Ed was a terrific guy who was great at cutting hair, but he was also part of a world that continues to vanish, i.e. the virtually all-male domain known as the barbershop.  His passing gives me an opportunity to remind my male readers of the virtues of patronizing these places, before they all disappear.

After I moved back to Georgetown more than a decade ago, Ed cut my hair for many years, as had his stepfather Rigo before him, when I was an undergraduate.  Ed was always hugely professional and accommodating, happy to talk about anything from travel and customs in Spain, to different kinds of music (he played in a rock band on the side), to rumors about development plans in the neighborhood…or to just let you doze off in the chair.  Back when my online Superman persona asserted itself, Ed was responsible for helping me grow out my hair in such a way that I could have a neat side part but still manage a dangling curl in front when required.  Subsequently, whenever I called to make an appointment and gave my name, he’d always greet me by saying, “Hey there, Superman!”

About a year ago when my work changed, I stopped going to Ed – much to my guilt whenever I’d pass by his shop – and started getting my hair cut at another barbershop, closer to the office.  Not unlike Ed’s shop, sometimes it’s so quiet that the only thing one can hear is the television news playing in the background, even while all of the elderly male barbers are hard at work giving a customer a trim.  There are no close friendships one can perceive, and yet like in all barbershops there is a welcoming clubbiness to the place.

It’s often been observed that women can develop deep, personal relationships with their hairdressers.  Because a lady’s hair can often take far longer to get ready than a gentleman’s, it’s only natural that while sitting in a chair for a great length of time while waiting for things like chemicals or curlers to work their magic, lengthy conversations will often result.  Moreover a woman will often follow her particular hairdresser around, as they move from salon to salon, in part because of the relationship of trust that develops over time.

Typically, less is said about the relationship between a man and his barber, and there are likely several reasons for this.  For one thing, in some circles it is still considered rather unseemly for a man to be fussing too much about his appearance.  This has not always been the case however: one need only look to the figures of the Italian Renaissance or the Regency period in England to realize that, like their avian counterpart, the male peacock, men have been strutting around showing off their mops for quite awhile.

Another reason why there is often less of an obvious bond between male customer and male barber is the fact that barbershops these days are rarer animals than they used to be.  With more and more unisex salons, and increasing numbers of men going to hairdressers rather than barbershops to get their hair cut, the old-fashioned, stripey-pole barbershop, with its nondescript decor and straight razors, seems to be little more than a relic of the past.  From my point of view that is to their credit, rather than otherwise, but it’s certainly true that barbershops have been on the wane for some time now.

Although I’m sad to know that Ed will never cut my hair again, I’m grateful to have had such a good barber for so many years, and am equally glad that he was able to take over at one of the oldest continually operating businesses in town, and keep it going well into the 21st century.  His passing is a reminder to those of us who appreciate small, local businesses, as well as things which may seem old-fashioned, that in order for such establishments to survive, it’s not enough to simply have nice feelings about them.  They need our business, our patronage, and our recommendations to friends, in order to thrive in these increasingly homogenized times.

The late Ed Lara (center) at work at Georgetown Hairstyling

The late Ed Lara (center) at work at Georgetown Hairstyling

The Superman Diet: Boys, Body Image, and Balderdash

If you’re active on social media, chances are you’re among the millions who have seen the recent viral video, “Superman with a GoPro Camera”, created by the clever fellows over at Corridor Digital. The Man of Steel in the clip is played by Los Angeles-based actor and comedian William Sterling. Not only do we share a – superb – first name, left-handedness, and a penchant for saving the world while wearing a big red cape, but we both like to write. So I recently interviewed Mr. Sterling about a somewhat touchy subject which we have both written about: the growing number of boys suffering from negative body image.

Regular readers will remember my unpleasant experience of putting on weight to bulk up and better fill out my own Kryptonian suit for Halloween. In his piece, Sterling details how he prepared for a fitness shoot through an even more unpleasant-sounding process, and why the end result was actually somewhat fake, even if he looked good for his turn as Supes. Our respective experiences convinced us both that more needs to be done to counter the contradictory messages being fed to us through advertising and media, particularly when it comes to the impact this balderdash is having on young boys growing up today.

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Newton: So tell me how you came up with the idea for your blog post.

Sterling: I got into the whole fitness thing about three and a half years ago. Growing up I’d always been a HUGE comic book and superhero fan and, much like your article focused on, dreamt of the superhuman physique. So I made a New Year’s resolution to get in the shape I’d always dreamed of, but along with that came the struggle of maintaining it all, and the inevitable body image issues. I’d wake up every day and think I wasn’t fit enough. When I realized how dangerous that was, I decided to blow the lid off of something which most people assume is real, or even possible for the average human body.

 

Newton: I was struck by the picture of Ben Affleck that leaked on Tuesday from the upcoming “Superman vs. Batman” movie. He’s much bulkier than, say, Michael Keaton was – just like Henry Cavill is far heavier than Christopher Reeve was. Did you notice a shift at all in the toys, comics, etc. that you had when you were growing up?

Sterling: Things really changed in the ‘80s when Arnold and Stallone started tearing up the action movie scene with their huge bodies. Before then, they would design a live action suit to mimic that impossible physique, but later the popular thing became so-and-so’s crazy workout plan. It’s scary, because since I never really perceived a shift growing up, it means it’s been like that my entire life – which is what’s causing this spike in eating disorders and body image issues in young boys.

 

Newton: Describe the toll that this project took on you, as you went about doing it. Clearly it must have cost you a fortune, for one thing.

Sterling: Ha, ha – yes! Lots of money in supplements. Physically, all those supplements have your body functioning at a level it’s not really supposed to, all day long. On top of that, I was working out sometimes 2-3 hours a day. I had to sacrifice time with my wife and my friends, follow dietary restrictions that made eating a chore and very boring, and I was sore and tired all the time. It was not a fun 8 weeks.

Newton: A friend commented to me when “Man of Steel” came out that I was going to have to seriously bulk up if I was ever going to be Superman for Halloween again. I pointed out that if someone wanted to pay me to do nothing but eat 5,000 calories a day and work out all the time, I’d be happy to do so, but that’s not what my job is.

Sterling: Exactly. A lot of people think that it’s easier than it seems to achieve, or that someone was just born that way. I worked my ass off to get in shape, and have to do the same to maintain it. People need to understand that greatness, be it physical or otherwise, is earned with hard work and dedication to your principles.

 

Newton: Does your body image from your teens still have an impact on how you believe other people see you?

Sterling: As an actor, you have to embrace and accept your type, but a lot of how critical I am of my body comes from my teen years. Some days I wake up thinking, “Looking where you should be today.” The next day I could look identical, but worry, “People will think my body looks weird.”

I have to constantly remind myself that, no, you’re fine. Relax. Because otherwise, that’s a toxic road to travel down. I fight against giving in to what society or pop culture deems attractive or “right”. It’s so dangerous, that it can lead to too many other issues.

 

Newton: Is there something that we should be doing for our little brothers and cousins, our sons and nephews, to try to share the truth with them before their minds get too warped?

Sterling: Definitely. Even in comic books and fiction, kids are being sold contradictory messages. How does Batman stay in that shape, when he also has to run a billion dollar company? How does Lois Lane stay so skinny, when she’s in the field all day, away from the comforts of organic kale salads?

Magazines, movies, and TV are saying you’re too fat, but that you should drink Coca-Cola and eat Doritos, because that’s what these characters eat. Logic should tell you that someone didn’t get fit by drinking beer and eating burgers. And yet there they are, doing it.

What we should be doing for children is teaching them that good habits lead to fewer problems in the future. And we have to be an example for them about that. I make sure to tell both kids and my peers that I look like this because I worked hard.

We also can’t coddle the next generation by giving everyone a trophy for simply participating. Sometimes you lose, and sometimes you win: it’s perfectly okay to do both. But you have to practice both your skills and your principles. When we tell kids that there is no downside to anything, it leads to them not understanding that there are consequences for things like bad eating habits or not exercising, for example. They think they can have their cake and eat it too, because Batman does.

 

Newton: What do you think are the lasting fruits for you, from this experience you’ve written about?

Sterling: I wanted to make a point to the rest of the world, but also to myself, that the physical condition which movies, magazines, and TV want us to believe we can achieve is unnatural for those living a regular, everyday life. When I wake up in the morning, I can say, “Before you go judging yourself, think about what’s real and what’s unreal, here.” And I want other people thinking about the same thing.

A lot of kids and adults are suffering from eating disorders and body image issues. I’m happy to know that, even if only for a handful of people, I told them it was okay to be who they are. They need to take care of themselves, but also to feel comfortable drinking a beer and eating birthday cake and ice cream.

You only live once, so don’t waste it trying to achieve perfection, but at the same time don’t abuse that life and cause it to be cut short, either. Do everything in moderation, including exercise! Life is about both sacrifices AND victories – it’s never entirely about just one or the other.

William Sterling, in a still from the "Superman with a GoPro" video

Actor William Sterling, in a still from the “Superman with a GoPro” video